{"id":1011,"date":"2005-02-25T11:20:56","date_gmt":"2005-02-25T09:20:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mummila.net\/marginaali\/?p=1011"},"modified":"2005-02-25T11:20:56","modified_gmt":"2005-02-25T09:20:56","slug":"1011","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/2005\/02\/25\/1011\/","title":{"rendered":"The Possessed"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Lue sama suo\u00admek\u00adsi<\/a>.) #<\/a><\/p>\n

My emo\u00adtions on this mat\u00adter<\/a> cur\u00adrent\u00adly are a bizar\u00adre mix\u00adtu\u00adre of kaf\u00adkaesque and dos\u00adto\u00adjevs\u00adkian, which is a sti\u00admu\u00adla\u00adting, yet unwelco\u00adme chan\u00adge from my nor\u00admal, day-to-day mix\u00adtu\u00adre of depres\u00adsion and numb\u00adness. When I got the first e-mail<\/a> infor\u00adming me of the situa\u00adtion, the\u00adre was an immen\u00adse rush of adre\u00adna\u00adlin, natu\u00adral\u00adly fol\u00adlowing the para\u00adnoid sen\u00adse of sud\u00adden\u00adly being threa\u00adte\u00adned. I am still hap\u00adpy of having got the infor\u00adma\u00adtion via e-mail, though, since who knows how bad\u00adly I might have panic\u00adked and done and said somet\u00adhing comple\u00adte\u00adly stu\u00adpid and unhel\u00adping for my case, had I been told this over the pho\u00adne by the police\u00adman. #<\/a><\/p>\n

Ini\u00adtial\u00adly, still a litt\u00adle mixed up, I felt as if my life was about to chan\u00adge for good; I used to be clean<\/em>, but from hereon I would be a cri\u00admi\u00adnal<\/em>, bran\u00added as an out\u00adsi\u00adder of socie\u00adty and a loser for life. You\u2019\u00adve been naugh\u00adty, you\u2019\u00adve been bad! Then, as I began going through web\u00adpa\u00adges for fin\u00adding attor\u00adneys and the pos\u00adsible legal rea\u00adsons for the police\u00adman\u2019s demands, a litt\u00adle sen\u00adse began to creep back in to my head; so may\u00adbe I\u2019d fuc\u00adked up, what would be the worst thing that could hap\u00adpen? I couldn\u2019t belie\u00adve I could go to jail, even though that too is the\u00adre\u00adtical\u00adly enti\u00adre\u00adly pos\u00adsible, accor\u00adding to cur\u00adrent Fin\u00adnish legis\u00adla\u00adtion. I\u2019d pro\u00adbably be fined ins\u00adtead. It was a relie\u00adving thought, since, well, it is just money<\/em>, not like all my rights and indi\u00advi\u00addua\u00adli\u00adty would be strip\u00adped from me and I\u2019d have to live behind walls and bars. #<\/a><\/p>\n

I had to go shop\u00adping, not for anyt\u00adhing, real\u00adly, but just to see what it would be like to be among other people, now that I was a poten\u00adtial cri\u00admi\u00adnal<\/em>. Would they see it? Would they be able to tell from my face, from my clot\u00adhing that this man is now under inves\u00adti\u00adga\u00adtion by the police, this man is not like us, who are clean<\/em> and law-abi\u00adding citizens, pro\u00adper mem\u00adbers of socie\u00adty? You can\u2019t help being para\u00adnoid in a situa\u00adtion like this; you keep loo\u00adking at people, trying to see if they recog\u00adnize you, if they\u2019\u00adre thin\u00adking they should say somet\u00adhing to me, to sup\u00adport me or to mock me, may\u00adbe even attack me for I had bro\u00adken their rules<\/em>. (Note that alt\u00adhough I am<\/em> depres\u00adsed, I\u2019m not para\u00adnoid in any cli\u00adnical way.) #<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve since been overw\u00adhel\u00admed by people\u2019s reac\u00adtions after having pos\u00adted about this seve\u00adral times; I\u2019ve tried not to beg for for\u00adgi\u00advance of my sin<\/em>, my cri\u00adme<\/em> \u2014 see how you begin to feel that way alrea\u00addy when only being inves\u00adti\u00adga\u00adted for somet\u00adhing, which someo\u00adne else, who\u2019s tech\u00adnical\u00adly only equal to you, not abo\u00adve you, has said<\/em> you\u2019\u00adve done \u2014 I\u2019ve only tried to make the best of the situa\u00adtion and tell people about it, since I know it\u2019s inte\u00adres\u00adting (I<\/em> would be deeply inte\u00adres\u00adted about this, even if I wasn\u2019t the one being inves\u00adti\u00adga\u00adted), and also, since very quickly after pos\u00adting the police\u00adman\u2019s e-mails, it began to seem that I wasn\u2019t alo\u00adne in my asto\u00adnish\u00adment over his demands for remo\u00adving mate\u00adrial from my site. #<\/a><\/p>\n

Even if the officer in ques\u00adtion has made a mis\u00adta\u00adke, that doesn\u2019t nul\u00adli\u00adfy the enti\u00adre case against me, of cour\u00adse. It\u2019s just anot\u00adher inte\u00adres\u00adting and impor\u00adtant from the free\u00addom-of-speech point of view twist in this who\u00adle busi\u00adness. I\u2019m hoping people won\u2019t mix the\u00adse in their minds, since they only might set them\u00adsel\u00adves up for a disap\u00adpoint\u00adment that way. I\u2019m hoping I<\/em> won\u2019t mix the\u00adse in my<\/em> mind. I\u2019m not saying I think I\u2019ll be found guil\u00adty, since cur\u00adrent\u00adly I have no idea what they (the police) will think or do about my doings. I just know that as long as this thing drags on, I\u2019ll pro\u00adbably keep fee\u00adling para\u00adnoid, filt\u00adhy and distrust\u00adful among people. But hey, that\u2019s just me. #<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Lue sama suo\u00admek\u00adsi.) # My emo\u00adtions on this mat\u00adter cur\u00adrent\u00adly are a bizar\u00adre mix\u00adtu\u00adre of kaf\u00adkaesque and dos\u00adto\u00adjevs\u00adkian, which is a sti\u00admu\u00adla\u00adting, yet unwelco\u00adme chan\u00adge from my nor\u00admal, day-to-day mix\u00adtu\u00adre of depres\u00adsion and numb\u00adness. When I got the first e-mail infor\u00adming me of the situa\u00adtion, the\u00adre was an immen\u00adse rush of adre\u00adna\u00adlin, natu\u00adral\u00adly fol\u00adlowing the paranoid [\u2026]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11444],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1011","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-merkinnat"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1011","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1011"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1011\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1011"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1011"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1011"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}