{"id":2711,"date":"2007-04-11T15:24:08","date_gmt":"2007-04-11T12:24:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mummila.net\/marginaali\/2007\/04\/11\/i-will-say-things-online-that-i-wouldnt-say-in-person\/"},"modified":"2010-09-06T13:28:40","modified_gmt":"2010-09-06T10:28:40","slug":"i-will-say-things-online-that-i-wouldnt-say-in-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/2007\/04\/11\/i-will-say-things-online-that-i-wouldnt-say-in-person\/","title":{"rendered":"I WILL say things online that I wouldn\u2019t say in person"},"content":{"rendered":"
One frequent\u00adly brought out point about onli\u00adne discus\u00adsions, most recent\u00adly in O\u2019Reil\u00adly\u2019s<\/strong> sug\u00adges\u00adtion for a code of con\u00adduct<\/a> (via Kari<\/span><\/strong><\/a>), is that you shouldn\u2019t say anyt\u00adhing onli\u00adne that you wouldn\u2019t say in per\u00adson. Though I disagree to some extent with most of what O\u2019Reil\u00adly suggests[alaviite]The code has been dis\u00adsec\u00adted pret\u00adty well elsew\u00adhe\u00adre, for example over at ars tech\u00adnica<\/a> and TNL.net<\/a> (via Boing Boing<\/a>).[\/alaviite], this is the rule that I have the big\u00adgest beef with.\n

It is no sec\u00adret to people who know me (eit\u00adher by my wri\u00adtings or IRL<\/abbr>) that I have some serious issues with face to face social inte\u00adrac\u00adtions. Call it shy\u00adness or call it by some other, more cli\u00adnical name, I am not what you would call a nor\u00admal per\u00adson in my inte\u00adrac\u00adtions with people, not even by Fin\u00adnish stan\u00addards. I am qui\u00adet to the extent that people tend to notice and com\u00adment upon it vir\u00adtual\u00adly eve\u00adry time I\u2019m in a situa\u00adtion with others around me. They usual\u00adly think I am deeply troubled by somet\u00adhing in my life when in fact the only thing troubling me is the cur\u00adrent situa\u00adtion of being around them. #<\/a><\/p>\n

Now, even if you knew the way I was, it is pos\u00adsible you didn\u2019t know the way I feel<\/em> in such situa\u00adtions. #<\/a><\/p>\n

The most pro\u00admi\u00adnent fee\u00adling I have around people is usual\u00adly fear. Most of the time I have to keep my hands clin\u00adged to some other part of my body just to hide the fact that I\u2019m sha\u00adking. It\u2019s as if I was in a cons\u00adtant fear of being phy\u00adsical\u00adly attac\u00adked by tho\u00adse around me, simply because of my own being phy\u00adsical\u00adly around them. (Such an inci\u00addent has never occu\u00adred, mind you. I\u2019m just making an ana\u00adlo\u00adgy, because the true causes of my fear are pret\u00adty abstract and not ful\u00adly known even to myself at this time.) #<\/a><\/p>\n

If you are what would pro\u00adbably be cal\u00adled a nor\u00admal per\u00adson in this res\u00adpect, you might feel the same way about making a pre\u00adsen\u00adta\u00adtion to a room full of stran\u00adge people. By ima\u00adgi\u00adning this you may see that for me, saying most things in per\u00adson is usual\u00adly just out of the pic\u00adtu\u00adre enti\u00adre\u00adly. It\u2019s not that I didn\u2019t have things to say (though my head is usual\u00adly just emp\u00adty, as might hap\u00adpen to you whi\u00adle making a pre\u00adsen\u00adta\u00adtion - a night\u00adma\u00adre come true, isn\u2019t it?), it\u2019s just that I\u2019m way too frigh\u00adte\u00adned to say them. #<\/a><\/p>\n

Pro\u00adbably the last obs\u00adtacle for me is that whi\u00adle all this is hap\u00adpe\u00adning, I\u2019m ful\u00adly awa\u00adre of how abnor\u00admal my beha\u00adviour must seem. I know that I\u2019m not expec\u00adted to be making a pre\u00adsen\u00adta\u00adtion to a room full of stran\u00adgers, I just feel like I am, and I can\u00adnot accept my own ina\u00addequacy and so deem it bet\u00adter to just not open my mouth at all. #<\/a><\/p>\n

But onli\u00adne it\u2019s dif\u00adfe\u00adrent. #<\/a><\/p>\n

Out here, no one can see the phy\u00adsical symp\u00adtoms of how ner\u00advous I am about saying somet\u00adhing. My heart may be poun\u00adding like I was run\u00adning the marat\u00adhon, I may be sha\u00adking like I had Par\u00adkin\u00adson\u2019s - and nobo\u00addy knows about it!<\/em> In other words, the final obs\u00adtacle for my being able to say things has sud\u00adden\u00adly disap\u00adpea\u00adred enti\u00adre\u00adly. #<\/a><\/p>\n

You can pro\u00adbably see whe\u00adre I\u2019m get\u00adting at with this: to me, saying I should limit the things I should say to what I would say in per\u00adson is like saying I should shut up enti\u00adre\u00adly. Obvious\u00adly, I won\u2019t accept that. Obvious\u00adly, I find it even hurt\u00adful to be sug\u00adges\u00adted that. This onli\u00adne world to me and others like me is a place whe\u00adre we\u2019\u00adve found free\u00addom from our worst fears, a place whe\u00adre we can beha\u00adve the way other people find natu\u00adral to beha\u00adve in face to face situa\u00adtions. And now you\u2019\u00adre tel\u00adling us we should go back to the way we are out\u00adsi\u00adde this world? No way Jose<\/span>. #<\/a><\/p>\n

Now, you may be thin\u00adking that \u201coh, but you\u2019\u00adre just an excep\u00adtion, not accoun\u00adted for by the rule.\u201d Wrong. Though I pro\u00adbably do repre\u00adsent an ext\u00adre\u00adme case, I\u2019m hard\u00adly alo\u00adne in my situa\u00adtion. But what\u2019s more impor\u00adtant is that we\u2019\u00adre all<\/em> on the same sca\u00adle here. We\u2019\u00adre all limi\u00adted to some extent in what we dare to say in per\u00adson, and it\u2019s not due to what you might want to think: that wit\u00adhout such reser\u00adva\u00adtions, anarc\u00adhy would reign. If your thin\u00adking real\u00adly went down that path just now, I have news for you: you\u2019\u00adre foo\u00adling your\u00adself in order to keep your over\u00adly posi\u00adti\u00adve self-ima\u00adge intact. #<\/a><\/p>\n

Some of the things you nor\u00admal\u00adly lea\u00adve unsaid and undo\u00adne, would undoub\u00adted\u00adly cont\u00adri\u00adbu\u00adte to col\u00adlap\u00adsing of your exis\u00adting social struc\u00adtu\u00adres when said and done. Howe\u00adver, I argue that each moment a vast num\u00adber of things are left unsaid out of unfoun\u00added and irra\u00adtio\u00adnal fear - the kind so fami\u00adliar to me as a social incom\u00adpe\u00adtent - also by the so-cal\u00adled nor\u00admal people in the world. May\u00adbe somet\u00adhing the other per\u00adson just said made you feel a litt\u00adle uncer\u00adtain, may\u00adbe the meal you just had made you tem\u00adpo\u00adra\u00adri\u00adly pre\u00adfer the nice and cosy ins\u00adtead of cont\u00adro\u00adver\u00adsy - such minuscu\u00adle rea\u00adsons play a part in our inte\u00adrac\u00adtions, and most of us are wired to help our social struc\u00adtu\u00adres at the cost of expres\u00adsing our own views to a variable extent. And it is this cost which the onli\u00adne world enti\u00adre\u00adly eli\u00admi\u00adna\u00adtes. #<\/a><\/p>\n

This also allows you to play the part of a total dick\u00adhead, agreed, but I argue that it is also an ext\u00adre\u00adme case and not the rule. It is a mino\u00adri\u00adty that total\u00adly loses it and beco\u00admes a so-cal\u00adled cyber\u00adbul\u00adly when given a litt\u00adle more free\u00addom than face to face inte\u00adrac\u00adtions do. Otherwi\u00adse anarc\u00adhy real\u00adly would reign, in the onli\u00adne world. The fact that it doesn\u2019t, to me is a proof that people alrea\u00addy know how to be civil enough to allow for social struc\u00adtu\u00adres in cybers\u00adpace. Because the\u00adre is less anxie\u00adty resul\u00adting from face to face inte\u00adrac\u00adtion, the\u00adse struc\u00adtu\u00adres are bound to be dif\u00adfe\u00adrent from their real-world coun\u00adter\u00adparts. This is why I see attempts to impo\u00adse real-world rules onto onli\u00adne discus\u00adsions as deeply troubling, vio\u00adlent attempts to rip apart its natu\u00adral flow of things, and my own safe haven from my fears. #<\/a><\/p><\/div>\n

(T\u00e4s\u00adt\u00e4 mer\u00adkin\u00adn\u00e4s\u00adt\u00e4 on my\u00f6s suo\u00admen\u00adkie\u00adli\u00adnen ver\u00adsio<\/a>.) #<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One frequent\u00adly brought out point about onli\u00adne discus\u00adsions, most recent\u00adly in O\u2019Reilly\u2019s sug\u00adges\u00adtion for a code of con\u00adduct, is that you shouldn\u2019t say anyt\u00adhing onli\u00adne that you wouldn\u2019t say in per\u00adson. Though I disagree to some extent with most of what O\u2019Reilly sug\u00adgests, this is the rule that I have the big\u00adgest beef with.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wp_typography_post_enhancements_disabled":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11444],"tags":[2306],"class_list":["post-2711","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-merkinnat","tag-sosiaalisten-tilanteiden-pelko"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2711","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2711"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2711\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14540,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2711\/revisions\/14540"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2711"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2711"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mummila.net\/marginaali\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2711"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}