I understand and empathize with what you aspire, the sort of proof of existence such an extreme act suggests. What worries me and, as I wrote, has had me stop short of executing such ideas is the ’suggests’ part: there’s no guarantee that even those acts would bring catharsis. In fact, I believe there are strong hints towards the opposite. (This, incidentally, is why I love American Psycho so much: it describes precisely how apathy is all the world has in store for us, even if we embark on the most extreme of acts.)