You’re not superficially motivated
Thanks for taking the time to answer my comments.
I think a big (though not big enough to be first-time-preventive) difference between you and psychopathic killers is that you’re not superficially motivated. A psychopath has no trouble hurting people in order to gain something relatively trivial — typically grotesque is the seek of sexual gratification.
You’re more of the ”I believe an antisocial act will have a cleansing effect on my soul” type that, upon acting out, either gains the spiritual emancipation they’re after, or realize they’ve just been pursuing a flare. The reason I think so is all this introspection you demonstrate here. I can’t picture you, after committing a bloody act, sitting there, thinking ”well that didn’t do much, maybe I just didn’t do it good enough, big enough?” You’d more likely have your answer there, and wouldn’t have to keep on repeating the act, banging your head against the wall so to speak (as thrill-seeking psychopath would). You’d have made your statement and either it makes an effect on others or it doesn’t. Either way, it’d be out of your hands by then, no use doing it over and over again.