Eikö sinulla ole rasvaajaa? Minä ihan luulin että on. Voisin vaikka tarjoutua, mutta hellasärö.

Anna kun arvaan: Tatsun? ;)

Mukavaa luettavaa.

Olivatko Serry ja Sani niminä muunnelmia Nissan-malleista vai onko se vain sattumaa?

Oho hei Syksyinen! Kaappaanpa härskisti tämän langan, ja kysyn, että oletko vaihtanut tyylilajia, vai onko joku napannut vanhan blogiosoitteesi uusiokäyttöön?

Again, thanks for the effort you put into your answers. After leaving the previous comments I felt slightly worried whether I’m too eager to dish out my kitchen psychology. These are deeply personal issues for you and for me to label you as this or that based on the little I (really) know about you is just my typical self-centeredness: I tend to get too fascinated with my own mental constructs to take into account that people I involve in them might not be as enthusiastic about them.

(Thanks for the video link btw, haven’t had time to properly watch it yet but I will.)

Yeah, AP’s a tough read to say the least. :) Still, I’ve plowed through it (at least) twice already and just today began reading it again. Then again I’m always into stuff that most people would just find mind-numbingly boring.

(Then again, I could be completely wrong about your motives, and you could be just after some cheap kicks after all, but I only have what you’ve written as basis and I don’t think you’ve ever hinted of being just after something as petty as sexual satisfaction.)

Thanks for taking the time to answer my comments.

I think a big (though not big enough to be first-time-preventive) difference between you and psychopathic killers is that you’re not superficially motivated. A psychopath has no trouble hurting people in order to gain something relatively trivial — typically grotesque is the seek of sexual gratification.

You’re more of the ”I believe an antisocial act will have a cleansing effect on my soul” type that, upon acting out, either gains the spiritual emancipation they’re after, or realize they’ve just been pursuing a flare. The reason I think so is all this introspection you demonstrate here. I can’t picture you, after committing a bloody act, sitting there, thinking ”well that didn’t do much, maybe I just didn’t do it good enough, big enough?” You’d more likely have your answer there, and wouldn’t have to keep on repeating the act, banging your head against the wall so to speak (as thrill-seeking psychopath would). You’d have made your statement and either it makes an effect on others or it doesn’t. Either way, it’d be out of your hands by then, no use doing it over and over again.

I understand and empathize with what you aspire, the sort of proof of existence such an extreme act suggests. What worries me and, as I wrote, has had me stop short of executing such ideas is the ’suggests’ part: there’s no guarantee that even those acts would bring catharsis. In fact, I believe there are strong hints towards the opposite. (This, incidentally, is why I love American Psycho so much: it describes precisely how apathy is all the world has in store for us, even if we embark on the most extreme of acts.)

I’ve been keeping a close eye on your posts lately and felt I had to say something, just so you know that it’s not like no one cares, like these morbid thoughts you have fall completely unto deaf ears. There’s little I (or anyone, as you said yourself) can do about them as long as no lives are directly at risk, but what’s always kept me from going forward with such ideas is I imagine it’d feed horribly anticlimactic once you cross that line. Nothing, especially the internal craving won’t have changed, you’ll see that the wheel of the world still keeps on whirling. It’ll just now go on without you (once the karma of your actions hits you), and no matter how much damage you do, you are still bound for oblivion just like everyone else.

Is there anything you include in these thoughts about what you’d want it to look like, how you’d want people to react, a message of some kind? Is it the ”I’m smarter than you” or is that just a bonus?