> Let’s say I tell this to that psychologist.. What would he say? What could he do?

I was going to suggest that you do tell him. Just to see what he *will* say. I think it should make for an interesting conversation if nothing else. And there’s no way he can even begin to understand you unless you tell him about stuff that you feel is important to you. Of course there are no guarantees that he will even then, but it is pretty much guaranteed he *won’t* if you keep these things from him.

(Obviously, it’s not just like you either talk to him or not at will, building enough trust to be able to talk takes time and some luck wrt. personal chemistries. But the above applies in case you get a break in these things.)

The meme’s pretty good. I might take it on if only I could remember it during the day; once I get home there isn’t much to photograph. I don’t want my participating post to have just screengrabs of me commenting here xD

I see the ’reply’ feature of WordPress only goes so far…

About fire, the feelings you describe it arousing in you sound pretty common; at least I can easily relate to them and I’m pretty sure the special relationship us humans have towards fire is the reason we still gather around camp fires and have fireplaces in homes. Of course the risk of this relationship developing into something hazardous is there if you say so, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it based on how you described your current feelings.

I guess it’s nurses’ job to look out for their patients, and the way they assess their clients’ needs is partially based on their view of what is normal and what isn’t, causing them to act in a way you as the recipient feel as somehow imposing that view onto you. I on the other hand am free to explore your thinking without such well-meanings, since I’m here not primarily for your interest but out of curiosity, to satisfy my own interest in trails of thought deviating from or corresponding with mine. (I’m making this sound exaggeratedly selfish to separate myself from those designated to help you, and who you should in the end turn to should you feel the need. I am, after all, just another voice on the Internet, like you.)

Hope I didn’t come across as disbelieving you, I was just curious (as always) about your reasoning behind this.

Burning yourself to charcoal sounds pretty nasty. :P Did you not feel intense pain, or did you in fact enjoy the pain? I.e. do you know what made you do it over and over again?

so they’ll wet their pants and then get very very angry when just being hit by pieces of plastic… xD

Okay, I lol’d, though I can all too easily see this being used against me at some point. x)

About physical violence: you sound pretty sure that it would quench your thirst for blood, but do you actually know that? I mean, have you ever experienced it first-hand? I’ve cultivated such desires myself sometimes, but as I’ve never actually encountered brutal violence in my life, let alone used it, it’s impossible for me to say whether what I’ve dreamt of would actually feel the way I’ve fantasized it to feel.

Haven’t read it through myself either, just glanced it and figured there’s a lot of data there. They say some of it isn’t accurate though, or that it misrepresents some issues.

Here’s a related link I just came across that you might find interesting: Aselain hiplaajat (in Finnish).

> And drank too much energy drink too.

Have you paid attention to how much that stuff actually affects you? Caffeine does build tolerance pretty fast, but still, since you mentioned it, I couldn’t help but think the symptoms you describe are exactly like those of coming down from caffeine high.

(Currently feeling like Something Far Worse Than Death is lurking here myself, after consuming three mugs of coffee.)

I don’t have any wise words for you, so I’ll just leave this comment here so that the comments feed starts working. :)